For those of you who aren’t aware, all us American witches hold a Sabbath this day where we work with our TRUE familiars
Mine’s name is JUSTICE MCLIBERTY
We all rip off the front cover of our book of spells to reveal our DECLARATION OF SHADOWS
We all fly on SHOTGUNS to gather around the Statue of Liberty where we use fireworks in our spells and use only herbs that promote LIFE, LIBERTY, AND THE PURSUIT OF HAPPINESS.
Anyone caught wearing anything other than BLUE JEANS, AND RED, WHITE AND BLUE is SACRIFICED TO THE SPIRITS OF OUR DEAD PRESIDENTS. If possible, it is preferred you just wear an AMERICAN FLAG.
The beginning of any and all rituals on this day must begin by reciting the PLEDGE OF ALLEGIANCE
The kitchen witches bring APPLE PIE, COCA COLA, AND HOT DOGS.
The pop culture Pagans invoke the spirit of CAPTAIN AMERICA to join in on the festivities.
TEA IS PROHIBITED ON THIS DAY, FOR IT SMELLS OF ENGLAND AND WILL BE THROWN INTO THE NEAREST HARBOR.
If we do not partake in this Sabbath every 4th of July, we will be considered COMMUNISTS and shall be cursed and shunned for the rest of our days.
This is all 100% true and anyone who says otherwise is a spy and cannot be trusted.