Ritual Structure for Bullshitticus and His Pantheon
I compiled a basic ritual structure for honoring Bullshitticus, god of students, and other members of what I think of as the Modern Pseudo-Greco-Roman Pantheon, inspired by Hellenic and Roman ritual structures and simplified for exhausted and inexperienced dorm-dwelling students. My sister is a student and needs this, and I happen to be awesome.
P R E P A R A T I O N
Decide why you’re doing the ritual and plan accordingly. Some reasons to sacrifice to gods: to honor them, celebrate special events, or dedicate something to them; to appease them when shit goes wrong; in thanks for a favor granted; in expectation of a granted request; or for purification.
Gather any needed offerings and tools, and ensure that there is an altar or shrine space prepared. Fit the mood of the ritual to the god and the occasion — boisterous, tearful, or gleeful?
P R O C E S S I O N
Lead a procession to the altar, as long or as short as you’re able, alone or with other desperate students. Use the procession to get yourself into the right frame of mind.
P U R I F I C A T I O N
Once near the altar, clean up the space a little bit. Get rid of any nasty food wrappers you missed and corral those dust bunnies! If they haven’t already, make everyone wash their hands and faces, and preferably brush their teeth too. Make yourself and your space pleasing to Bullshitticus.
O F F E R I N G S
Approach the altar with a hand signal of respect or adoration. Might I suggest: Thumbs Up, Horns, or ILY.
Get Bullshitticus’s attention with some words! They can be as formal or off-the-cuff as you like. Say something nice about him and include what you want, if you’re asking for a favor!
An example, composed by versifrau:
Hail, Bullshitticus, for You are Wise
I come to you with bloodshot eyes
I’ve wasted time, I’ve put things off-
I need caffeine in a piglike trough!
So please Bullshitticus, help me finish
the work I have and my stress diminish.
Here’s another example by feminist-smaug. The #Bullshitticus tag has more — share yours there too.
Now give him something:
- Offerings of scent or light that adhere to your dorm rules: perfume and glow sticks are alternatives to incense and candles.
- Libations of water, coffee, booze, Capri Sun, or energy drinks.
- A portion of your snacks. Ramen, chips, pop tarts, or whatever else you can sneak out of the dining hall.
If attendees would like to include other pantheon members, now is the time to give them offerings as well. An example of how libation-pouring could go:
To you, Dorma*, protector of our dorm, I give first!
To you, Bullshitticus, patron of students, I give second!
To you, Caffeina, extender of waking, I give third!
To you, Frappucchinope, muse of espresso, I give fourth!
To you, Thesaurea, dispenser of excess words, I give fifth!
To you, students who have gone before us, I give sixth!
To you, Dorma, always first and last, I five last!
P A R T Y
Everyone participating should hang out and eat the rest of what they offered — coffee, ramen, tequila, whatever. Dance to music, watch a movie, or play some games. Have fun and take this opportunity to de-stress from school. Give spontaneous prayers and offerings to the gods as inspiration comes.
C L O S I N G
Dismiss Bullshitticus and his companions and thank them for showing up, using hand gestures and words. Clean up the altar and dispose of (or scarf down) any offerings. It’s not polite to leave your host’s room a fucking mess, don’t be a jerk! If Bullshitticus grants your request, make sure to offer to him in thanks.
*Hestia is always offered to first and last in Hellenic rituals. As she is the goddess of hearths and homes, and most students live in dorms, I invented the bullshitted pseudo-Latin goddess Dorma, protector of dorms. Give Dorma an epithet for your own dorm or school — just modify its name with a Latin feminine ending. For example: Dorma Andersona, Dorma Sunflora, Dorma Harvarda. This is the goddess of your dorm, and now you can honor her as you like!
Sources I was inspired by. Read these if you’re a nerd like me and want a more reconstructionist ritual.